Sunday, June 28, 2009

Get Real with Kelly...

this is kind of an addendum to the post below so you should read that one first...

Does anyone, especially those on facebook, EVER have a BAD day with their children? Or a bad day, at all?!
Its not just my current mood...cuz I've disliked this for a long time. There are certain people who ONLY post happy/rainbows/puppies/unicorns/multiple orgasms/life is perfect status messages and I really hate it. Those of you who've known me for a long time understand this as I have always been this way. I detest fake. And I'm sorry, a person is NOT happy all the time. And children are not perfect and they don't shit rainbows in their diapers. There are certain individuals who only post "had a fabulous day with the kids in the pool", "had a perfect weekend with my sweetie and my kids", "so hyped to do my P90X workout-I feel great!"

I un-followed John Mayer on Twitter for this same bullshit. Every post was some psuedo-philosophical bullshit. It was a lot of words that meant nothing. I would actually read them multiple times and go "WHAT?!" and most of you know I am a reasonably smart individual. Ok look, its the ONLY thing I don't feel inadequate about right now so I'll just say it: "I'm really smart", OK? I am. And stupid people who pretend to be deep annoy the hell out of me.

these are the kinds posts I like "my baby just barfed breastmilk in my breakfast and then smiled a toothless grin at me", "my kids just announced that Sally's mom is cooler than me and I'm trying to get over it", "I feel like crap today, but I'm forcing myself to do this stupid pilates nonsense anyway", "I hate yoga, but my body loves it", "my house looks like something exploded in it, and my children are covered in spaghetti sauce and glitter", "I haven't done laundry in 3 weeks", "is it wrong to lock your door for mommy and daddy private time?!", "exactly how long can you leave your children alone before you're arrested for abandonment? cuz I'd just like to take a shit in peace and I think I have to leave my house to do it", "my husband burned our dinner so we're having gourmet mcdonald's by candlelight", "I love hearing my kids play together...until the inevitable 'waaaah' followed by silence and then an even louder 'waaaaah!!!' ", "children for rent: amusing and adorable and give great kisses, but mostly useless in the utilitarian sense"

Look, its not that I think P90X isn't admirable. I have friends on it, but they aren't crapping sunshine about it. Its not that I don't love my children! I have the cutest, smartest, most adorable kids ever ever ever ever. But holy cheese, how I would love to stop having to repeat myself and save them from near death experiences 10 times a day!!

Can we just get real? can we start a freakin campaign for it? Let's call it "Get Real with Kelly" and I will call anyone's bluff who I think is full of shit! Oh I know people will come running to me...LOL!

This also goes back to a rant I had several years ago about how women lie to each other terribly. About money, sex, motherhood, jobs, everything!! And as a result we are each left swimming in a feeling of inadequacy as we compare ourselves to each other. Look girls, all we have is us. We should support each other...whether we work or stay home, cook or don't, have multiple orgasms or hate sex, have ADD kids or savants, are religious or agnostic, are fat or thin, short or tall, implanted and augmented or natural and floppy!! I just wish people would be real. So i guess I extended my rant/challenge to men this time.

Because right now, I am left in the wake of several people's rainbow shit storms and I didn't bring my boots. right now, I'm not a good enough mom, wife, lover, artist, cook, gardener, dresser, groomer, pet owner, housekeeper, woman, or human.

Suck to be me, eh?


  1. What? Your kids don't poop rainbows? Well, then, they haven't eaten enough colored frosting or fruit rollups! BTW, I try to post mostly happy on FB so I don't get turned into CPS. But, occasionally the truth does come out! :) Also, is it so wrong to ask for time alone--ALONE with NO children--for my mother's day gift every year? anywho...just thought I'd get real with Kelly. :)miss you!

  2. Aimee, I assure you, you are not one of the perpetually positive offenders I am talking about. I have nothing against being positive, but I have xray vision when it comes to bullshit. there are just certain people who post nothing but fake happiness. I do actually love my children, my life (most of the time) and despite my verbal rantings, I am a pretty happy person. And maybe because that's true I don't feel the need to wear a tshirt that says "I'm so freakin happy!"

    and no, its not too much to ask to be alone at some point.

    miss you too. and I plan to be at the next gathering. do we have an idea of when it is yet?

  3. Oh PS, actually my kids did poop bright green one time cuz of the very blue frosting on someone's bday cake, which I guess when mixed with bile makes neon green.

    SO TMI and yet, so fascinating and...colorful.


    I especially like the part about pseudo-philosophical bullshit. I think some people think that if it doesn't make sense, that means it's Deep.