Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Ew

So I was on the phone, whining to an old friend, and the time came to get Cliff ready for TKD. As I was hollaring at him, talking to my friend, and getting my own self together, I noticed that Mona was sniffing at Amanda's butt a little more intensely than usual. Red flag. So I pick up "itty bit" (one of many nicknames for Mandy) and manipulated her very carefully so I could inspect the butt area. Woe is me. Oh.my.god.

As a teenager, I couldn't even say the word 'fart' and here I am, all but elbow deep in crap. It was...ev.er.y.where. Luckily, it was normal. Moms, you know what I mean. Brace yourself. Cuz Amanda is teething and every so often we get the trademark teething poop and the poop juice leaks out.

I'll pause here for you all to stop gagging. wimps.

so I was safe from any poop juice, but not really safe at all. It was on her clothes, which you know presents the problem of how to get it off of her without smearing it in her hair. It got all over the changing pad. When i got the diaper off, she of course wants to inspect her private parts, which are not fit for inspection at this time. CLOSED for business. Nothin to see here Mandy, move along!!
So I can't get the diaper disposal bag handy fast enough. Its a race against her hands. I manage to get her undressed and carried her, practically by her ears, to the bathtub where she got a proper rinse down.

Meanwhile the time is ticking and its time to leave for TKD. I was relaxed. Not anymore. I am lucky I did not drop the new iphone INTO the diaper as I hung up in a frenzy of shit.

Managed to get out the door, in the car, etc etc etc. Got on the freeway and realize that Cliff didn't get his backpack with all his TKD gear in it. Did I forget to post about last week when he removed his cup after class and smacked me in the head with it as it flew out of his pants? Yes, his athletic CUP smacked me in the FACE, at the exact moment that Master Pete was saying "He did really well today" "pow goes the ball catcher in mom's face". Anyway, had to share that.

So at some point we finally made it there. Nothing interesting happened from that point on.

Humor is my survival mechanism. Without it, I'd just cry. Who can survive these things and be subjected to the motherly humility without laughing OR being committed!?!

As you were. Sorry about your lunch.

2 comments:

  1. I love you. I think you're living my parallel life, about a year ahead of me.

    And I didn't "gag" but oddly enough, found myself recollecting...

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  2. I read your post out loud to Uncle Kenny and he and I totally laughed our asses off! You are so so so funny!

    Love you Honey and I remember those days...BTW when Amy was an infant and was very very sick at 11 weeks (hospitalized) she shot diarrhea (color green...like pea soup)onto my face..some in my mouth and up my nose. I love her anyway.

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