Saturday, September 19, 2009

Mucus, Medicine, Motherhood, and Moments.

I think the plague is passing over the house now. Look, a full sentence!! Amanda, while she never really got "sick" per se, did develop an intense neediness. As of yesterday, she actually let someone else besides Henry hold her and didn't scream as one having bamboo applied to the fingernails when Henry left the room.

I'm not one to brag, but let's just say that I have graduated to the next level of antibiotics. I love the doctor I went to. Its my allergist and its so novel and refreshing to be treated as though a doctor actually cares. I have had 3 sinus infections this year alone and until this year I don't know that I ever had one that required medication. It could be that motherhood is slowly rotting my brain, or it could be the tremendously admirable air quality in this town. Or it could be that after the first one, the antibiotics that I was on, that I had an allergic reaction to and had to switch, did not do the job. So my mom, bless her heart, on the rare occasion that she requires antibiotics, can still take penicillin. Isn't that sweet? She's so pure and unadulterated in her bacteria! Cliff moved from Penicillins to Cephalosporins when he had ear infections. Amanda was able to tolerate the dreaded Augmentin (which is penicillin and some awful thing called Clavulamate which makes the penicillin work better and also has some nifty side effects like...oh...Idanno...diarrhea, bleeding diaper rashes, and a 2 year old that banged his head on any solid surface until we took him off of it!!).

Mommy is way past the small stuff. Mommy is apparently past the beloved z-pak. I'm a badass on Avalox. Moxifloxacin. Its fun to say. Say it with me. Moxy flox ass-in. say it fast. moxifloxacinmoxifloxacinmoxifloxacin! weeeeee.

anyway, I'm hoping that some lingering bugs may be the reason that I've been feeling puny and less robust than usual. I hope this moxi-fun stuff kills all of the remaining suspects. I'm really glad I'm taking something because not only did I have the sinus issues, but its gone straight to my chest and when I laugh, I sound like a 20 year smoker. I kind of wheeeeeeeze and no sound comes out at first and then I start the cough-laugh. I'm glad we caught this before the cough-drop phase. That, according to my Aunt and Cousin (thanks for this brilliant term, girls!), is when you cough so much you drop a little pee. I had bronchitis when I was 8 months pregnant with Amanda. I know you don't really need me to go into any more detail than that but because I'm a giver, I'm going to. So my bladder was apparently paper-thin during pregnancy number 2 anyway and I would occasionally experience pregnancy panty wetting. But when I got sick and the coughing/TB ward thing started, I swear I had to start wearing pads. God it was awful. I'm glad the couch is leather.

In other doctor news, donations would be appreciated because my sweet husband, after enduring much nagging, finally had a sleep study done and is now using the sleep machine/darth vader thing for his apnea. But he accidentally forgot to check with the insurance and the sleep clinic twats didn't say anything and guess what? They are not an in-network provider. And he did 2 sleep studies. so...Sleep Study: $4000; machine to help you sleep better: $30/month; restful sleep: Priceless. or not so much. cuz we really needed to owe someone more money at this particular juncture in our lives. I'm still paying for Cliff's-we-haven't-met-our-deductible-cuz-its-February-broken-arm.

Speaking of money. I hate money. But that's not really the point. the point was to tell my readers that in the last couple days, I've been able to let go a little tiny bit of the anxieties about my joblessness. I am trapped by so many circumstances right now. and just having faith and seeing what happens is not really my thing. Cuz in my sick little head, all I hear is "God helps those who help themselves". And I tell myself to shut the hell up. And then I set about to making graphs, and budgets, and spreadsheets with color coding, and tireless googling, and bleeding ulcer activity. I have a hard time not having a plan. and this may change next week but for right now, I feel OK. Whatever happens, I feel OK.

I do have an interview Monday, which I hesitate to even mention because I am superstitious and kind of private about such things. when I applied, I was kind of excited at the job description. But when I spoke to the recruiting agent, I felt kind of deflated. Maybe I'll blog more about that later. So anyway I told Cliff that I'd have to drop him off, maybe, in the dreaded *insert suspenseful music here* cafeteria...before school on Monday so I could in turn drop Amanda off early so I could be on time. then a discussion about what being on time is all about and why its necessary at a job. And he asked me what happens if you're late. And I said, trying to keep it simple and not launch into a discussion about "well then your supervisor pulls you aside and makes you feel really stupid and maybe writes you up or something and then you sulk back to your desk and hate him/her"...I just said "well you can get fired".
And there was a very very brief pause. and he said "well I want you to get fired cuz I like it when you're home with me all the time."

*insert sound of car wreck or hysterical mother here* It actually made me smile. You mean, even though I yell at him allllll day, he still wants to hang out with me?!

and in that moment, it was kind of the affirmation from God that I needed. There may be a job in the future or not. If people would suddenly flood me with requests to design them websites, and brochures and tshirts and business cards, I would have it made in the shade and have the business I always wanted and this would all be a moot point. There may be a job in the future. But for now, I am exactly where I'm supposed to be...

...To witness and remember things like this:

Cliff: Mom, we should go out to dinner
me: yeah? where?
Cliff: Um...turkey-yaki.
me: *choke* oh...teppanyaki? japanese food?
Cliff: yeah! that!!

so just for making my day, I may take the lad on a date to a movie and some turkey-yaki.

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