Friday, September 25, 2009

thumbing my nose at irony

I guess I'm superstitious, but I'm almost hesitant to say this "out loud" (? you know what I mean!)...but I am so grateful for the healthy monstrous children I have. Many of you are familiar with my friends Chris and Holly who have a 2 year old who is working on kicking cancer's ass. He was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia in November of 2008 and given a 35% survival rate, but has just been the picture of God's grace and miracles all along and he's doing so well now that they had to go to urgent care last week cuz he shoved a vitamin up his nose. LOL Anyway, I have followed their journey very closely and been very touched by it. Holly keeps a blog on UCLA's "carepages" website.

Today, somewhat by accident, I stumbled upon a link to a carepages site for the little boy of my ex ex ex many times ex boyfriend/fiance from like 1994. It was an ugly, painful breakup that scarred me for a long time and he treated me very badly. But to find out that his little boy has stage 4 neuroblastoma was just a whack in the head for me.

so today I'm posting how grateful I am. Me and gratitude have a love hate relationship. I used to feel that if you were grateful enough for something, God wouldn't take it away from you...as though its a favorite toy or something. For some reason I am such a fanatic believer in irony, though, that its hard for me to state the things I'm grateful for. I keep them very close to my heart like little secrets between me and God, and I'm careful not to bring it up out loud too often so as not to bring it to God's attention how blessed and lucky I am so that He doesn't see fit to even the playing field for me somehow.

How twisted is that?! Many of you know that the playing field has been full of potholes for me and my family, namely with my marriage. But we have made it, I think, to the end zone without any broken ankles so I'm going to allow myself to do the touchdown dance in the face of irony and just lay it out...

I am grateful for:
*my beautiful hyper insane healthy children

*my husband who is so patient with me, and who is never afraid to work on himself.

*my parents who live next door and get to see my kids most every day

*the opportunity to stay home with my kids right now, although a painful event and not really the way I planned it (haha), I am loving it. NOW...now I am loving it. It wasn't always the case. And I still have my days of not loving it.

*God's provision. Its through odd channels sometimes, like unemployment insurance! But its always there.

*a comfortable and beautiful home for my family

*my wonderful friends who have held me up and inspired me all along the way

*my parents' health

*my extended family and the friends who've I've decided are my family

*little escapes from reality occasionally

*the internet

*old friends who remind me who I am when I have forgotten

*beauty, art, dance, and the things that light my heart up

and a bunch of other stuff, of course.

so there, I did it. I'm going to go step on some cracks and walk under some ladders, and break a mirror now.

ta-ta

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