Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A True Soapbox Moment

I was talking to someone today about the half-day kindergarten issue. She was shocked that we only had half day kindergarten (we both live in the same town! but there are um-teen districts and she is lucky enough to be in one of maybe 3 districts that still has all day kindergarten) and she was feeling my pain, so to speak.

So I, for grins, got online and googled this. I am shocked and amazed that the debate still exists between stay at home moms and working moms. Really? come on people. Especially in this economy, just not everyone CAN do it on one income. It doesn't mean that families who have to have 2 working parents are crappy financial planners and are irresponsible. And not every family with a stay at home mom is better off and more nurtured. I never felt that my children were neglected by being in daycare. On the contrary, because we had GOOD daycare and they were genuinely cared for and loved, they THRIVED and learned and made friends. I nurtured them when we were together and I never felt like I took 2nd place to anyone at the school. That's just ridiculous. Its the type and quality of time you spend with your kid that matters, not necessarily the quantity. 8 hours with an exhausted grouchy short tempered unwilling to do anything mother is arguably not as great as 3 hours with a energized and fresh and ready mom who wants to hang out with her kid.

Its just ridiculous to have these rigid morays. Some people make statements about how children shouldn't be in all day kindergarten because their parents are just using the system as a babysitter and children belong in loving homes, cared for and nurtured by their parents. Yes, of course they do. But its incredibly simple minded to think that all stay at home moms are GOOD at it. And working parents DO need the child care because of the precise situation that I am in. I do not WANT to leave my kids anywhere any longer than necessary. However, when my kid gets out at 1140 (that means his school day is 8:08 - 11:40 and I am not even sure how they can get much done in that time. There is no teacher aide and there are 20 kids. But anyway...) and the after school programs (because kindergartners don't fit into the "daycare" category) start at 2:30, that obviously leaves a significant "no care available" gap for working parents. There are VERY limited options that are VERY expensive.

I still maintain that it should be an option for parents. But I forget that we live in a society with a narrowing range of choices. sigh.

so anyway, the whole stay at home moms are better than working moms debate is SO old. I have done both and could go on at length about what I like about either side. And I could blather on about the financial part of it. But that's just unnecessary.

I just wish people would think outside of their own box.

in other news...you know how you had that one boyfriend back in the day and you thought he really loved you and when you broke up it was just circumstances and stuff? Then several years later after some life experience you went "Oh. He really was just not that into me and I don't think he ever loved me." ? that is how I feel about my ex employer. I am still really hurt. The man who was my boss, who was always so seemingly supportive of me (and not really just seemingly...when I had my miscarriage he was totally supportive, when I had marital crises he was supportive, when I was on maternity leave in the middle of the busy season, he was totally cool) has YET to provide me with the letter of recommendation that he promised me and that, frankly, I deserve. I try not to use the words "I deserve" but damnit, I do. I busted my ass for them and they way they conducted the layoff was SO cruel and unnecessarily so. They knew it was coming for weeks. You'd think that someone might go "maybe we should have a letter ready for her"...but no. And its been SIX months. I have asked boss #2 what is up with that (boss #2 gave me a letter but he was much much less my boss than boss #1 who was the supportive longer term one) and he doesn't seem to get it either. But he's a man and he's all about the "move on". But I am not a man and I'm all about the "hanging on". And I am hanging on to this pain. Utter rejection. Not only do we not think highly enough of you to keep you in this job, but we're going to treat you very badly during the layoff procedure, and then we're going to not think highly enough of your 8 years of unswerving service to provide you with a letter of recommendation. ouch. I mean, really people, I AM trying to let it go. I'm praying and trying to...well...let it go...and its just stuck to me. It hurt. It seems lame to compare it to a love relationship but I did love that job and it was SO much a part of my identity...so much...that it was like a really bad break up.

So, sorry to belabor the point and bore my readers. But the take home lesson today is: People are no damn good and humans suck. (readers excluded of course!)

1 comment:

  1. Have I told you that you are MY CHILD?
    Well...I gave my company nearly 11 years of my life...working even when my husband was in ICU...I never missed a payroll and never missed a month-end close. AND because I provided proof that the Administrator was a crook and a POS I get NOTHING. NOT thanks for telling us...not want your job back..no, nothing...NOTHING! The FUCKERS! You see, you are my child, aren't you?

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