Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Gratitude. Not a cliche.

Alot of my blogger friends have some form of gratitude journal. I try to make it a point to be grateful every day. I struggle sometimes. not because I'm not grateful. But because in my former life, before the divorce and loss of job and all that crap, I was SO grateful for my life, and my job. I thanked God regularly for all of the blessings I had. And it was sincere. I thought, I guess naively, that if I was grateful for it, it was safe. Not the case, as it turned out.

So I am trying to learn to be grateful just for the sake of being grateful. Without fear. without expectation.

Today, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with gratitude. Phillip went to walmart to grab some pants for skinny-ass Cliff for school. After our nightly routines of bath and arguing with the network something er other (I'll let you figure out who did which, lol) I thanked him, with tears in my eyes. He said "for what?" and I said "everything". and I meant it. (He said "it was just pants" lol.)

It spills over into today. I am grateful for my beautiful and amazing children. Cliff is frustratingly "emo" and Mandy has apnea and a nasal-toned voice cuz of her ginormous tonsils and adenoids and she never stops eating, or choking...all related. Mandy is my mirror (minus the choking references), and Cliff is my daily reminder of his dad, brilliance and all. They are beautiful and perfect and I'm honored to be their mother, inept though I feel most of the time.

I am grateful for this job, for the ability to form a thought during the day and to gather myself together,and to blog when the moment hits me. (I type with furious speed so its not really alot of time, but its my daily smoke break sort of.)

I am grateful for freedom of all kinds.

I am grateful for honesty and truth and for people who are willing to work at finding those things within relationships.

I am so grateful for friendship. What a gift it is to have another person, or 2 or 3 or 4 or whatever to share your life with, your journey, a person who knows you, accepts you, corrects you, and loves you for who you REALLY are. Not the person you claim to be or want to be or say you are, but the person you really are.

I am grateful for the person God is shaping me into, and the lessons I have learned. I am grateful for God's faithfulness to me, although sometimes His plan is just downright annoying. I am grateful that He continues to make the best out of what I chose to do with my free will.

Happy Monday.

don't be alarmed, I'm sure this mushy crap will pass. Talk amongst yerselves...

1 comment:

  1. I had no idea that you were going through all of this (perhaps I should log onto facebook more than once in a blue moon!). Wow, what a year you have had! Sending lots of love and strength!