Monday, January 24, 2011

On friendships and divorce and UNresolutions

I have been really struggling with the divorce issue the last couple weeks. "the other party" (should I refer to him as TOP? how not snotty of me) has stirred up some very negative emotions and made what was a simple and amicable process pretty freakin icky. So after crying until I bout threw up on my daughter's birthday, thanks TOP, I did a lot of praying and I reached out to my circle of friends who I know will pray FOR me.

I started to feel better the next day, though I could barely open my eyes for all the crying. My whole body hurt. My heart, *literally* hurt. I was incredibly exhausted.

There are friends and then there are friends. One such friend who reached out to me last weekend is someone whom I have seen very little of lately, due to no good reason except the chaos of life and she is also going through a divorce. She's a tough cookie with a killer sense of humor and a lot of street smarts. She, like me, can tell me she'll pray for me and then crack a joke with the f-word in the next breath. Kindred spirit. She asked to get together with me and I said blah blah blah tired, blah blah, kids, blah blah blah. She basically said, "just do it".

I visited with her and my spirit was totally renewed. I felt UNhelpless and UNscrewed and UNmiserable. I had hope and felt stronger.

THAT is the power of friendship, but female friendships in particular.

Today I felt "OK". Baby steps. One day at a time. One little tiny thing at a time.

I came home from work today and had some free time so I started looking for daily encouraging email subscriptions etc. I subscribed to several daily email thingies with uplifting messages and whatnot. I looked into divorce support groups at local churches.

And I vowed to tell myself one good thing each day. Here. That means you should see a blog entry daily and it should contain all the usual candor, humor, and pithiness, and an added bonus of a positive self affirmation. all together now...*hork*.

Its my blog and I'll barf if I want to!

So here is today's.

I AM strong.

sometimes I don't want to be. Sometimes I resent it. Sometimes I don't really feel it. But I AM strong.

that's all I have for today. short and simple.

Its 8pm and I'm going to take a hot bath and go to bed early, because I neeeeeed to take care of myself.

Diva Love,

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