Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Irony and Government are SO annoying




So, I HATE bluetooth headsets. The same way I hate shoes. And because I hate shoes, I have lots of shoes, because I am forever trying to find a pair I don't hate. Likewise, I have 5 bluetooth headsets. And I hate every last one of them. Because California insists that I be "safe" and drive with a hands free phone device (more on this later), I have to use some kind of headset. But my bluetooths are so stupid that I just always opt for my stereo headphones that plug into the headphone jack of my iphone. I can hear MUCH better with them and they don't hurt my ear or need to be charged.

The problem with my bluetooths is that they can't be charged in the car, you can't tell how much charge they have left on them, they hurt my ear a LOT, and I can't hear for squat with them. Also, they get lost in my purse.

So, my first bluetooth was a plantronics that my last good job bought for me. a rockstar of a headset. I accidentally washed it and dried it in the dryer and it STILL WORKED. It actually doesn't hurt my ear. But I lost it for a long time.
Also, after I washed and dried it, I didn't think it would work so I bought a motorola replacement. It sucks.

Fast forward several years. I have a pink motorola, a blue something er other, a purple something with a case that charges it (brilliant, if it worked) and a black something er other.

every single one of them hurt my ear.



Then I briefly found my orginal plantronics. I was able to use it once before it got lost in the chaos of my life and the moves. Then I found it. Then I lost the charger for it. Then I found charger but not the headset. You think I am making this up? There is a reason my email address is "redgreenhurricane"!!
I looked everywhere for the headset and could not locate it. I finally threw away the A/C charger in a fit of rage. That charger ONLY works with plantronics old models. All the new ones are mini or micro USB. This one had this odd short stem button jack. Trash. poof.

Guess what I found yesterday. The plantronics. in a box I had looked in several times. and now, no charger.

feck!

so while we're at this, may as well review the other stupid blue tooths. So the purple one with matching case that it will charge IN...like I said, brilliant, IF it will work. Neither the case, nor the headset will hold a charge. I ordered a new charging cord. Nope. You hold down the whatever 2 buttons to let it beep or blink at you a number of times indicating how much charge it has. i.e. 3 blinks equals fully charged. 2 blinks equals half charged. it never ever blinks more than once and won't last through a single conversation. I have tried every charging formation possible. charge case with headset inside. charge both separately. ugh. nothing worked.

The cute motorola one is ok. sound is crap. I don't hear well so I need great sound. and the ear piece kills my ear no matter what size I use. Same with all the others. They all hurt my ears.

so now I'm going to see if I can find a stupid ass button style charger for that stupid plantronics model.

Oh look, I have just returned from Ebay where I am purchasing the stupid button charger in a car charger form...woot!!

now...will I be able to find the charger when I get home? stay tuned for exciting developments!

In other news, back to the whole "drive safely" thing. Have I mentioned, a time or SIX, how sick I am of the government dictating every thing I do? From what I can feed or medicate my child with, to what kind of cheese I can buy and eat... I am sick of it. Ok I think its good that seatbelts are the law. really. But this hands free driving shit...stupid.


Eating and driving is very dangerous. Tell me you've never swerved while trying to unwrap your burger or pick off the onions or eat your taco bell taco without wearing it...
Eating while driving should be illegal

Children are dangerous while driving. Do I really have to elaborate? The whining. The bickering. The I NEEEED that thing NOW. yes I make my children wait for things. But the mere existence of children in the car is very distracting. Children in cars should be illegal.


Dogs in cars should be illegal too. obviously.











My purse should be illegal in the car. I need my lip gloss. I need my phone.

Life should be illegal in the car. All forms of reality are distracting. I'm gonna get my phone with this hand because I have to call the pediatrician while I'm ON MY WAY to the pediatrician because my KID is THROWING UP in the backseat. I'm not distracted. Oh I can't just CALL the pediatrician. I have to get out my hands free device. so I am feeling around in my purse for said device. Nope its on the dashboard. Catch puke with one hand, drive with other. Now drive with knees while turning on blue tooth device. Ok now one hand on the wheel while inserting device awkwardly over ear. OK, find phone again. oh it fell on the floorboard while I was catching puke. Retrieve phone and dial...dialing must be done with hands. Cuz when you use the voice dialing option and say "Call Dr. Fixakid" it says "Calling 'Sam Naked'. I'm sorry that number is not found". You repeat. "NO. CALL. DOCTOR FIXAKID!" "Dialing...Madrid". NO!!! so you use your hands. Finally connect and say "huh!?" six times while on phone with pediatrician's office because I can't hear due to the stupid headset and because of the puking child.




Clearly when one is driving one should be in a bubble, isolated from all forms of distraction. Including music. Music should be illegal.

Love is distracting and that should be illegal. Spouses and significant others can be very distracting in both good and bad ways. That should be illegal.
other cars...very distracting. ban them.


Get with it California. Enough with the half assed bullshit.
In case you are not picking up what I am laying down...I am not advocating distracted driving. I'm just saying, does the government HAVE to mandate good sense and judgment all the damn time?!?! I am not suggesting you try to catch puke while driving, nor retrieve your phone from the floorboard, nor eat complicated items. Do I do these things? uh, yes. Am I advocating you do them? no. I fall down a lot. Do I think you should too? no. I swim directly after eating. Should you? that's up to you. IT'S UP TO YOU. isn't that a beautiful phrase?!

I have to stop blogging now. I'm driving and I have to put on my mascara.

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