Monday, November 28, 2011

Dear Humanity

I'm just going to say this quickly and sternly to my fellow humans. I'm short on time, patience, and hope. And I'm optimistic that the Universe will help me with the latter...
So I'm going to address all fellow humans (only about 12 of which read this and y'all aren't the problem that I know of, but it starts with each of us...)

Dear Humanity,

What the fuck is wrong with all of you?? It is NOT okay to pepper spray your fellow shoppers on Black Friday!! It is not okay to trample someone for a $2 waffle iron! It is just ridiculous. Its wrong. Its disgusting. I hope those waffles are really friggin tasty with the bitterness in your soul! We have SO MUCH!! And we hurt each other for minor kitchen appliances!!? REALLY? CHARITY AND HOPE PEOPLE!!! LET'S SEE SOME!!! Drop and gimme twenty!!!! NO!! Give him $20 and her $50 and that single mother you know down the street...slip her a twenty in her mail slot or something. GIVE. Don't TAKE!!

Seriously, I don't care what your religious beliefs are, it is abhorrent to behave this way EVER, let alone this time of year. Its the birth of Jesus Christ, y'all. Shepherds left their fields, Kings came from Afar with precious gifts, Angels perched in wonder...the King of Kings was born in a stable among stinky animals and slept on pokey hay. His pregnant Holy Mother rode on a DONKEY in the last hours of her pregnancy!! HELLO!! If you have never been pregnant, let me just suggest to you that this was probably really fucking uncomfortable!!!! So even if you don't believe in Jesus, open your heart to the story itself...a story of humility and service and gratitude and wonder and grace. And if you do believe in Jesus, well then take a moment to think of your own child sleeping on hay with stinky animals while you duke it out with some silly bitch at Kohl's over the last cashmere scarf. Are you buying trinkets for every single person you know, or are you giving gifts from your heart for the people you really care about? Have you considered buying a goat? Or a couple of ducks? Or a water faucet for somone in Africa...?

And I now address our public is not okay to abuse your power. It is not okay to use pepper spray (is there a fucking theme here or what?!?) on peaceful protesters. And you all should be ashamed. This country was founded on free speech. PEACEFUL protesters. Pain in your ass, perhaps. But peaceful. Not laying down in traffic or "occupying" for some nebulous "cause". Whether we agree or disagree, peaceful protesting should never be discouraged or punished. Even obnoxious protesting has a place. I think if we directed our angst and disgust at the right place it might do some good, but that's another topic.

Public officials, you should really sit down and think about what it means to hold an office representing the people of your city/county/district/state/country!!! This GREAT country is going to hell in a handbasket...a handbasket that was crafted in China or Indonesia on the backs of children. I know a few Americans who would have happily made that handbasket for a few bucks. REPRESENT, damnit!!!

Humans of Earth, you are better than this. You were made by a loving being who wants you to love each other. Get a frickin clue. Does your identity depend on that waffle iron? Or your credit score? or your bank account balance? Or your salary? Or how pretty your house is? Or your weight?

If everything was stripped away from you and you were in an armageddon type movie with Will Smith and you had nothing but you yourself...who would you be? The banks were burned down, the fossil fuel crisis turned into a world war and there are no cars and there is only electricity where its solar powered etc. Grocery stores have all been looted. You have only what's on your back. Who are you?? Do you stop and help the other screwed over people, or do you zip by them on your skateboard so you can be the first to get into the newly broken into Albertsons downtown?

Who are you, really? without all the numbers we define ourselves by...who are you?


and quit honking at me all the time too, damnit. Its really fucking rude. I'm driving damnit. I'm doing my best. Sheesh!!

Happy Fucking Holidays! Get your shit together people. Find some hope and charity and humility and quit being assholes.

Thank you, and good day!!

-SoapBox Diva


  1. Brilliant Kelly!!!! :)

  2. Oh tell them Diva! We need more women like you, to speak their minds at the injustice being done in this world. You go girl!

  3. Ahhhhh. See, you scrape the shit off and this is what it boils down to. I rock and roll this high five, because I've never agreed with you more! :)

  4. I'm so proud to have a best friend like you! You tell em girl! I say we take this a step further and do something that will make a difference this holiday season... Lets give back!! I love you soooooo much! Ang'