Friday, November 18, 2011

Movies and Anniversaries. Yeah this post is a stretch.

Try not to Whine Kelly. Try not to whine. Don't whine. breathe....rant....go...


I watched 2 movies this week that provoked actual THOUGHT in me.

The first, if you promise not to laugh, was Eyes Wide Shut. whatever. I had never seen it. I am not a fan of Kubrick, however...I have to say this movie was really ...um...GOOD. eek. yuk.

really. I mean, the whole cultish sex thing was icky. But what jumped out at me was the bond between the husband and the wife. And I could see why Kubrick chose a husband and wife to play the couple on screen...because the bond translates. Something about monogamy, which I don't think is for everyone, sings in this movie. Oddly. I think whatever works for a couple works for that couple. That may in fact be a whole other rant if anyone wants to throw things out there. My thought is thought that if a couple choses monogamy as the model for their intimate relationship. that there's this sort of self correcting thing that happens...the "invisible hand" of capitalism becomes the "elephant in the room" of monogamy. Guilt convicts us faster and harder than anything a partner could say. Actually I take that back...its not guilt...its shame. Guilt is a healthy emotion that guides you back onto the right path. So yes, guilt can play a role. But guilt is what you feel when you know you are looking at someone the wrong way, or when you are almost screwing up. Shame is what you carry around with you until you have to unload it or explode. Paranoia, shame, guilt, anger. Those things all step in when a person steps out. If those things don't exist, then neither does love. IF you are talking about chosing monogamy. Just sayin. All intimacy models have rules. Monogamy's is obvious.

The other movie, on a heavier note, was Rabbit Hole. Must have been a Nicole Kidman week for me.

This movie is one that I couldn't have watched a couple years ago. But this film is beautifully done and portrays a couple struggling with the overwhelming grief after the death of their young son.

It will be 9 years ago this week that I lost my very first baby in miscarriage.

I would NOT have been able to type that sentence out even a year ago. All the shit I've been through has, in fact, given me strength.

9 years...it seems totally impossible to have been that long ago. my mind just races at that number. NINE?? really? I remember each second of that day as though it was yesterday. I remember the crucial moments as though it was a movie I watched last week. I can still feel what I felt.

But time, bitch that she is, is merciful. And I have not forgotten or moved past it, its just healed...mostly. The movie Rabbit Hole gorgeously portrays each person's grief so perfectly. How the husband and wife grieve together. How they grieve individually. The anger, the completely ridiculous things that one does to get through it. The crazy ways we reach out. And how reaching out to someone else who hurts is somehow the greatest way to make your own hurt feel better. There is something about merging your hurt with someone else's on an intimate level that instead of making it bigger it makes is so much less black.

Not a movie I would recommend for anyone fresh out of the grief closet. But a really really beautiful movie about how we as humans deal with grief, and with each other, and for some bizarre reason, I found it really inspirational instead of sad.

Now I'm gonna go watch some pirate movies and drink vodka. :) If I find something to whine about, I'll post it on the other blog.

That wasn't much of a rant was it. I'm working on it.

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