Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Family Bond

I was going to post this on Facebook but it got a little long. The more I pondered, the more this resonated. Each time someone I love passes, I begin to feel more connected to some part of them, and consequently, myself. Its really kinda...odd and weird and spooky and awesome.

So...my Papa was an author. He died when I was 11 or 12 I think. I was not very close to him, but felt very connected to him, if that makes sense. The year he died is when I started writing poetry. Sappy stupid rhymey poetry, but ultimately writing has served me very well :)

When my Grandma Lillie died, one of the things of hers that I laid claim to was her recipes. Honestly I can't read her hand writing in most of them lol - but it was around that time that I became connected to cooking, and food, and preparing food as an act of love. Grandma made enough food for 20 people even if it was just 4 or 6. She loved having people over, as I do. She didn't care if her chairs or dishes matched (dustbowl people), she just loved feeding the people she loved. I very much relate to that. She has stayed with me in other ways that are harder to articulate. I just feel her...like a protective thing.

Anyway, then as some of you who've read my blog for a year or more may remember, when my Uncle died, it affected me profoundly and led me to my hospice volunteering. That journey actually began with the death of a dear friend's mother.

Both of my children are very connected to my ex husband's grandparents. My daughter is named after his grandmother, and, heaven help us, has not only her name but her fire as well. My son has always had this strange connection to my ex's grandfather. He knows things about him that he wasn't old enough to understand, like his laugh. Cliff knew before we conceived his sister that he had a sister and told someone "I have a baby sister but she's too little to come out yet and she still lives in my mommy's heart". We were pregnant less than a month later with a baby girl and I swear to you, Grandpa told Cliff!!! It would be so like him to have that secret and have to share it with Cliffy of all people. Cliffy and Grandpa are both jokers, clowns, trouble makers, with a perpetual case of church giggles that they refuse to control.

Today my Grandma McClain died. She was driven here yesterday by her loving caregiver - a 4 hour drive. She was admitted, immediately recommended for hospice and passed about 24 hours after arriving here. I am utterly grateful that she passed quickly and peacefully and without pain.

I am curious what she will leave with me.

Selfishly, as she was quite beautiful and fancied herself as having 15 gentleman callers at all times, I am hoping she might assist me with my love life. :) Grandma, I don't need 15 gentleman callers, just one really awesome one.

My grandparents are all united now. <3 Wow, with Uncle Ken up there, I'm sure they are all carrying on a great deal.

We are all connected. Which is why love is so important - it comes back to you! in the form of food, or writings, or mischievous laughter, or....?

sending love to my readers and friends.



  1. Kel,

    I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you feel connected always. <3


  2. Awww....that's beautiful. I'm sure she's watching out for you from the other side. Sending love, light & of course, condolences.