Thursday, February 16, 2012

National Stupid Day

Dear Shopping Cart manufacturers/Retail Loss Prevention Specialist Geniuses:

That long flag pole on the cart that is supposed to keep it from leaving the store...brilliant.
Because people totally couldn't shop lift without carts. And not having so many large carts out on the street is totally going to solve the homeless problem, the conundrum of discarded shopping carts in neighborhoods, and proba...bly even hasten world peace. Also, if it was more merchandise than I could carry myself in the store, it makes total sense for me to not be able to take the cart out to my car because I can absolutely grow extra arms as I exit the store. I also think the small cart discourages me from overspending so...win-win. really. awesome guys. Also, if I tip the cart into a mini-wheelie, i can still take it out the door to my car to unload the money I just spent in your store.

Also, I love the bumpy thing on the sidewalk as you exit the store...my kids love it too. I love to hear my wine bottles clank together like that. And I totally love my eggs scrambled inside the shell. bonus!!

#best.idea.ever!morons


Dear Driver who thinks they are being courteous by allowing me to turn left across 3 lanes of traffic from the turn out:

just keep going. stop making helpful fucking hand gestures at me. Its swell that you are letting me go, and its a shame the other 2 lanes didn't follow suit because traffic should absolutely stop for me at all times frankly. Sometimes the middle lane will stop too. But invariably, the far right lane is the dickhead lane and they never stop. And I can't see around the dude who stopped in the middle lane to see when its clear for me to go through the dickhead lane. So can everyone just keep moving and get the fuck out of my way?

Thanks.

#useless.acts.of.kindness

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