Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Cage vs. Sky

I was musing on the way to work about balance.   Specifically I was thinking about the inverse relationship between security and freedom.  This thought was actually not at all spawned by political discussions, but it occurred to me after I had applied this to relationships in my life that its exactly what we are struggling with in this country (among other things).   When you have total security, you have very little freedom or autonomy - like a baby being held by its mother.  When you have total autonomy and freedom, you have very little security but what you can provide for yourself.  But as you know, providing your own security doesn't make you feel safe. It makes you feel tense and on edge.  Its nice to be taken care of a bit, isn't it? Of course.
The trick is finding that balance between  the two extremes.  

What do I want out of a relationship, should life ever grant me one ever again (eye rolling at the universe)?  Do I want to feel totally protected like a sweet damsel?  The idea is really appealing sometimes. But in those little fantasies I tend to forget that that kind of protection comes with a price...personal freedom.  If I have a man who loves me in a chest pounding I will protect you from all harm and danger kind of way, I tend to not have the freedom to be myself and the crazy free bird that I am. 

If I succeed in being the colorful wild bird, gifted with flight and song and blah blah blah, free to soar and free to explore and free to go, I am exposed. 

Ultimately I guess, I want to fly, and have a safe place to land. I don't need someone to put me in a cage for my own protection. Or carry me around all day.  I want to be admired for my gift of flight, and then have company on my perch. 

The same is true of jobs.   There is that struggle for balance between freedom and security.  

Its a pendulum.  It swings to either extreme.   And ultimately it should be right in the middle.  There is a third option, which sort of represents my former marriage...and that is that if the pendulum can't push the energy one way or the other, it will push everything down, so that you have neither security nor freedom.  I think in some eras of my marriage I had security, but rarely freedom.

When you push something down it will eventually bounce back.  The laws of physics. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. I was pushed down, and eventually I pushed back.  I gained freedom, lost all security, and now I'm trying to find the middle ground. The middle way.  The middle path.  ouuuuuummmmmmm

Balance in all things I suppose. 

Geez life is a pain in the ass. So beautiful sometimes.  But damnit a pain in the ass!!

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