Saturday, July 20, 2013

thank you for tuning in

Good afternoon and welcome to "schitzophrenic romance radio" where we play all the hits all the time and none of them are really hits.  we regret that this is our last day on the air, but are happy to tell you that instead of white noise, we will be playing everything ever made by Adele, Pink, Lady Gaga, and Maroon 5, which a sprinkling of Britney and Christina Aguilera.  enjoy..

Tuesday, July 16, 2013


Ok.  so I'm over cartoons.  and on to Romantic comedies.

that's all.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

geeky rant.

so last week, my faithful fully loaded bible of a laptop started SMOKING.  I don't mean it developed some personification like qualities and picked up a cigarette. I mean smoke was billowing out of the motherboard. sonofabitch.  I don't know yet if the hard drive is smoked or salvagable. luckily I purchased a 2nd laptop from my ex bf a year or so ago. not as powerful or nice but a good back up.  however, said back up had a buggy keyboard so I couldn't type.  After hours of research I found a fix/work around and I can type on it now.
So...I am doing side work for a and flyers and what not.  so all my ...everything was on the other laptop.  everything.  (thank god for over sharing photos on facebook because...yeah. )  so I had to figure out how to download my graphics program that I purchased legit in 2009 onto this new laptop.  I managed to get that to work.  and downloaded a free trial of adobe something (that lets you convert PDF to doc files.  nevermind)  and regular adobe acrobat.  so I manage, after ALL evening, to get everything singing and I get the flyer made and I go to print it as a PDF.  in adobe.  and its crap. garbled crap.
so I download a free PDF printer.  one I have used for years.  and voila. perfect PDF.  WTF, Adobe?

If you are lost, it goes like this...computers are a pain in the ass...especially during MERCURY EFFING RETROGRADE!!!

So now that I have this computer de-bugged and all kinds of stupid ass annoying add ons and virus wannabes removed I feel like maybe it will function for me.  I miss my STUFF. I had a lot of STUFF on the other one and I hope the hard drive is salvageable.  ergh.

In other news, I am turning my attention to documentaries this week because cartoons are...well ...not playing right now.

Its not 12:30 and I was planning to hit the hay at 10.  hahahaha!!

ok.  here endeth the most boring technical rant EVA.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

cartoons vs. documentaries

top 10 reasons why cartoons are better than documentaries

1  cartoons are more colorful
2  a cartoon can be or look like anything you want and isn't constrained by "reality"
3  they are usually funny. documentaries take themselves very seriously
4  documentaries usually leave you depressed
5  documentaries are meant to instruct.  cartoons are meant to give joy
6  colors are brighter in cartoons
7  physics don't apply to cartoons
8  much less death in cartoons than in documentaries
9  cartoons have way better music tracks
10  cartoons make you feel good.

you're probably thinking that I've smoked a joint or something.  I haven't.  this isn't about literal cartoons and documentaries.  this is about allowing things to exist without expectations and labels and the idea that if something brings you JOY it is probably good, regardless of what the expectations, or boundaries or nouns and adjectives or other burdens that "reality" would impose upon it.

joy.    does it matter what form it arrives in? nope. didn't think so.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Men and mercury.

Well so here I am.  
As I type this in my phone, I am doing some yoga breathing because I'd like to be typing in my laptop.  But my laptop starting smoking and produced an epic fail yesterday.  My back up laptop has a buggy keyboard.  So here I am.  

I have been thinking lately ...I know.  Scary. 

I am officially pissed off.  I had a lovely, so I thought, relationship for 8 months.  it ended back in march of this year.  And I am just now getting pissed.  I'll have to elaborate when I can type better.  But I wish I could go back in time and express these feelings.  I repressed them.  Why'd I do that? That's what I did in my marriage.  I vowed to never stuff emotions again.  But I did.  Stupid.  And NOW I'm pissed.

I blame all of this on mercury retrograde. All of it.   Well.  Much of it I blame on HIM.  for being weak.  Manipulative in the wrong effing direction.  Perhaps dishonest.  Did I mention weak?  he didn't make much effort.  Didn't really try.  Just strung me along like a willing little idiot fish.  He just kept the water around the boat lightly baited to keep me close.  To make sure I was still there.  Wtf for? 

There is,admittedly, a thing that happens with women after a break up...Called shredding.  We forget or erase the good things in order to make peace with the pain.  There WERE good things that I have shredded.  He did make me feel pretty nice most of the time.  But now I see that as baiting.   

I wish I could just tell the whole story right now.  But I'm not quite there. 

Oh but in the movie, mister waffle, it's gonna play out nicely.   You wait.   
And the phone calls from "her" are pretty much the turning point for my character in season five (before she morphs into dexter I think).  In the movie I'm gonna say all the things I wish now that I had said to both of you...none of it is nice.  

I'm not actually sure if I wish I'd done things very differently.  It is what it is.  (In season two we discuss why I haaaaate that phrase). Things unfolded a certain way for a reason.  Hind sight blah blah blah. Fuck hind sight.  What about fore sight? Could I get somma that?! 

Fore sight: I'm going to die alone.   Without cats.  I can't even handle cats. 

Maybe I'll have fish and name them after all the ex waffles and gleefully check the tank every morning to see if <ex's name here> has floated belly up to the waters surface yet. 

Then I'm gonna feed them to some stray stinky neighborhood cat.  Cuz I don't even have cats!