Monday, August 23, 2010

Points on a Map - The drive to "where we are going", population 2

I know you're nervous because you've been on this road before
and it didn't take you where you hoped to go.
but this is our unique adventure
and there is no one in the car but us.
(You did take that body out of the trunk, right?!)
and we will take turns reading the map (GPS in your case)
until we arrive safely at "where we are going".

We can't arrive at "Where we are going"
without passing through "Trust".
They won't let me cross the border alone.

That place is scary for me too.
I want to roll up the windows and lock the doors.
Flat tires, and lies, and betrayal, and engine trouble and fires.
No signal. No gas. A long walk to an empty home
My heart remembers and is scared...

And there are hitchhikers...
don't stop because Fear will get in.
I want to go to "Where we are going" without Fear.
I've already had to wrestle him out of the car
I need your help...alot of it.

After "Trust", I'm pretty sure
we'll know where we're headed
and we will know the way.

I want to take this trip with you.
with the windows down and the wind in our faces
and Fear behind us.

and I want to stay there with you, in "Trust".
There are no hotels, no campgrounds...
but if you open your heart and shelter me,
mine will shelter you.
And when we do that,
we'll be at "Where we are going"

Coordinates, Please...
Are we there yet?

(I'd like to unpack...)

Sunday, August 15, 2010


so yesterday after my uncle's memorial service, I got the whisperings of what I believe is a calling. you know, that thing that is a bit more than what want to do when you grow up but more about what you are supposed to do when you grow up.
I have been struggling to put my finger on this for some time. I knew I was supposed to be looking for it. I knew I was going to find it. eventually. I have been waiting to feel more clearly about which direction to head.

Over the last 3 months, I think I am starting to get a picture of something. I am excited, but frankly, I am really scared. I am not sure what action is required of me at this point. Financially and I am far from being in a place to take any risks.

so I am just going to be still and know that He is God. I'm sure the answers will come...especially now that I am listening...

pray for me in this regard. This could be big. and it may take a long time to fully develop. But I am really inspired.


Sunday, August 1, 2010

God's Most Willful Creature

I stare fear in the eyes and dare it to tangle with me. And then when it wins, I stand up and toss my hair, dry my eyes and ball up my fists, undeterred. I build walls, only to dismantle them because oh annnnyone can build a wall and stand behind it. How cliche. I will paint myself with peanut butter and stand in front of the wall, meowing like a cat. Its not that I'm not afraid, its just that I'm too stubborn to stop fighting. When I set my heart and my will on something, I'm not apt to let it go willingly. The joy is always worth the pain, even if the bruises outnumber the rainbows. always. If you were handed a spoonful of the world's most intoxicating, delicious, life altering substance and told that in the middle of it was a little piece of deadly poison that would render you agonized if you so much as took one half of a nibble...would you risk eating the good stuff? I would. make mine a double. If I have to be stuck in this flesh suit, I am not going to let it determine when is stand still and when I run. And the fighters I meet along the way make it all the more worth it. My own Fight Club. Put em up, Fear...we're goin' to duke city. cuz you know my slogan...