Monday, February 7, 2011

No News is...just no news.

I'm just here. I have moments of peace and feel actually happiness. And then I am flooded with fear and terror and shame. I feel like I'm floating around with no anchor. Nothing in my life feels certain. Nothing. And I know that's not true. I mean, death and taxes...those are certain. Ok that was totally sarcastic and jaded. I know there are things that are certain. the support of certain people, God...I'm sort of at a loss for much else. Those things should be sufficient, shouldn't they? But I still feel very ungrounded. Very in limbo. Very upheaved. Uneasy, uncertain, unanchored, unsettled. I LOOOOONG for routine and predictability and security. I mean...I ACHE for those things.

So I'm still here. sigh.

I'll report more soon.